EGO I - What exactly is the ego?
The ego is a construct – nothing tangible, yet it exists. It has its own tone, its own way of speaking, communicating, and moving. This is how I've observed it in my life: An ego begins to form in childhood.
It is a way of defining oneself and distinguishing oneself from the environment – parents, friends, family. It says: "This is me, and that is not me." Through the accumulation of identifications, often formed in contrast to others, the ego is shaped..
More precisely, what we call our "ego" is merely a collection of thoughts with which we identify. These thoughts have become so familiar to us through their frequency that we take them for truth. In our lives, we have certainly seen millions of thoughts pass through our minds, but not all of them shape our sense of self.
Have you ever wondered why it often feels as if two opposing voices exist within you?
We have all certainly been in a situation where we felt a positive impulse – be it a new direction in life, starting sports again, or reacting less emotionally. Anticipation builds, one imagines how this impulse will positively change life. But at the same moment, a conflicting impulse arises. Suddenly, we feel a knot in our stomach and think of all the past situations where we seemingly failed or didn't pursue the impulse.
The ego has only one adversary, and those are moments when it could be forgotten. Such as the here and now, moments of genuine contentment, silence, peace.
Its greatest fear is not to exist. Therefore, it constantly projects itself into the future or the past.
But what exactly does that mean?
The ego grasps at everything it can get and creates paradoxical perspectives that often stand in direct opposition to each other. Anything is fine with the ego as long as it can exist. In one moment it builds castles in the air in the future, only to destroy them with a baseball bat in the next. It is so afraid of not being real that it is willing to do anything to stay afloat – even at the expense of others or yourself. It is so desperate and frightened that it presents itself as the greatest and most powerful. Anyone who stands in its way will feel the apparent "power" of the ego.
What the ego truly fears most is being seen. That's why it wraps itself in so many masks that it takes a lot of effort and attention to recognize it. Someone spoke to you rudely, and you get angry. You react and for a moment feel strong and superior – no one is allowed to treat you like that. But the next moment you feel bad because you got so loud. You think the other person didn't deserve that. We all go through these exhausting and draining situations due to this false identification.
How can I be both hero and villain in one and the same situation?
The ego always looks for problems, because as long as there are problems, it can exist. Imagine the world as a huge square full of loudly roaring monsters, each carrying a small "I" deep inside – distraught and scared, huddled together. That's exactly where the problem lies. We usually react to the world from our ego and only see things through our stained glasses.
Rarely do we meet people who react with love, patience, and compassion despite our "faults." We often seek from others what we are unwilling to give ourselves.
What would the world look like if we took off these glasses? If we elevated our small "I," loved the ego – the monster – and thanked it? These negative cycles can only be broken if we stand by ourselves, integrate and accept our "ugly sides." This doesn't mean justifying bad deeds with the phrase: "That's just how I am," but taking responsibility for our physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. We should show ourselves love, compassion, and patience and tell the ego-monster: "It's okay. I'm here for you. You've served well, but after all this time, you must be exhausted. Let the big 'I' (the soul) take the lead."
The soul is like a mothership that has the overview, while the ego is like an anchor lying deep in the sea. The ego takes on tasks for which it is not made and which it cannot solve. This can manifest as overwhelm.
The best thing we can do is to love the ego and tell it that it doesn't need to know or be able to do everything. It's okay not to know everything, but still to be safe. This is a process, but with time it gets easier. The more you are in tune with your soul, the more likely you are to follow the path that truly fulfills you. The ego, on the other hand, tries to avoid or disparage what is new and unknown because it cannot have this foresight. It is based on a perspective that tries to explain the future only by the past – a very limited perspective.
Task:
Write down on a piece of paper the thoughts, emotions, and actions that make up your little "I". Note where they come from and through which situations they arose. In the coming week, sit in a quiet place where you feel comfortable and close your eyes. Breathe deeply into your belly to give your body a sense of security. Now observe your thoughts, just let them pass. Don't grasp at them, but familiarize yourself with them.
Leave a ♥︎ if you liked this post, and feel free to share your experiences.
Until next time! Love, G