"I don't know how to make myself happy..."
This realization hits me with incredible force. A wave of tears and gratitude washes over my body. To understand that I don't know how to make myself happy is an unexpectedly liberating insight. The pressure falls away from me, this endless pursuit of happiness that we, as a society, value so highly. We have learned that happiness should be the meaning of life – a desirable emotion to be achieved. We work hard, go on vacation, binge-watch series and movies, or constantly buy new things, hoping they will bring us closer to the feeling of happiness. But where does this idea come from? Who taught me that I even have to be responsible for my own happiness?
Suddenly, this immense burden lifts from my shoulders. In an instant, I realize that the concept of happiness doesn't necessarily have to be my personal truth. Can't I also strive for a life that isn't defined by the constant search for happiness?
This doesn't mean that I now view my life with a pessimistic attitude. It merely means that I no longer believe that happiness is something that can be created by external circumstances or by achieving certain goals. Perhaps I no longer want to chase an ideal state but rather appreciate the journey itself. The key lies in shifting the source of happiness from external to internal and letting go of the search for "happiness."
What is happiness?
For me, happiness is not a permanent state but a fleeting feeling that cannot be forced. It seems to depend on external circumstances – a situation, a person, a moment – and is therefore always changing. Advertising and consumer culture reinforce the idea that happiness can be bought and achieved through material goods. But can happiness truly be found in things, places, or people, when its meaning is so different from person to person? Happiness is subjective; it does not exist as a fixed quality outside of us. It is a sensation that we create within ourselves – or not.
Where does this concept of happiness come from?
The idea of happiness is deeply rooted in human history and culture. Even in antiquity, philosophers wondered what constitutes a good life. For Aristotle, "Eudaimonia" – the state of a fulfilled life – was the highest goal, achievable through virtue and inner harmony. This was less about short-term joy and more about a deep, inner fulfillment.
With the Enlightenment and the spread of ideals such as individual freedom and self-realization, the notion gained importance that everyone holds their own happiness in their hands. Modern consumer society has further exacerbated this idea: happiness is marketed as an achievable product that can be obtained through material wealth or the "right" lifestyle. Paradoxically, this fixation often leads to frustration and dissatisfaction, as happiness is not as easily held onto as we are led to believe.
Can I also strive for a life that is not about happiness?
Absolutely. A fulfilled life doesn't necessarily have to be defined by the pursuit of happiness. Many spiritual and philosophical traditions focus more on inner peace, meaningfulness, and acceptance. Existentialism, for example, as advocated by Jean-Paul Sartre and Albert Camus, sees the meaning of life in engaging with one's own existence – regardless of whether it brings happiness or not.
In Buddhism, too, happiness is not considered the primary goal. Instead, a state of equanimity and mindfulness is strived for, in which one embraces life in its full spectrum, without compulsively seeking satisfaction. A life focused on compassion, wisdom, and self-transcendence can be deeply fulfilling and offer a form of meaning that is more stable and sustainable than the fleeting feeling of happiness.
Happiness as an illusion?
I'm beginning to understand that "happiness" might be nothing more than a construct of our ego – an idealized state that can never be permanently achieved. It's like the summit of a mountain, but life itself consists of the hike, the ascent and descent, the path from one peak to the next. The fixation on happiness can blind us to all the other valuable experiences that life offers.
If we view happiness as the only desirable state, we miss the many significant moments that lie beyond this ideal. It's a shame that we often dismiss negative or difficult situations as "undesirable" instead of using them as opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Ultimately, it is the acceptance of all experiences – the highs and lows, the joys and challenges – that truly makes us alive and deeply connected to life.
And so, I now face the question: "How do I make myself happy?" Perhaps the answer lies in letting go of this very question. It may sound paradoxical, but the more I desperately try to achieve happiness, the further it seems to elude me. Instead of striving for a specific emotion or an ideal state, for me, it's about accepting myself in every moment – with all my feelings, thoughts, and experiences. It means letting go of the pressure to always be happy and instead remaining curious and open to life as it is.
To be honest, I truly don't know how to make myself happy – and therein lies the freedom. It opens up the possibility for me to discover life in my own way, without being bound by ideas and expectations. It allows me to embark on the path of self-discovery without constantly feeling that I need to achieve a specific goal. Perhaps true happiness lies precisely in the realization that I cannot control it, but sometimes I just have to allow it to enter my life unexpectedly and spontaneously.
Leave a ♥ if you liked this post, and feel free to share your experiences.
Until next time! Love, G